How do couples decide on retirement when they disagree?

Disagreement is normal, and so is retiring at different times. In a 2024 Ameriprise study of 1,510 couples, 26% of pre-retirees planned to retire at the same time, but only 11% of retired couples actually did, and 62% retired at least a year apart. A Fidelity survey cited by the Center for Retirement Research found only 43% of people correctly knew when their spouse planned to retire.

Step 1, facts versus preferences. Facts are balances, benefit estimates, pension terms and health costs. Preferences are when, where and how you want to live. Agree on the facts first, in one shared sheet.

Step 2, price both versions. Run partner A's plan and partner B's plan with the same assumptions for returns, inflation and spending. Example: if one wants to stop at 62 and the other at 66, the four years in between are a specific dollar amount of withdrawals, lost earnings and health coverage. That number is what you are actually debating.

Step 3, plan the gap and the survivor. Research cited by the Center for Retirement Research found that older husbands were influenced by their wives' financial prospects from working, while wives responded mainly to their own. For Social Security, a surviving spouse at full retirement age can get up to 100% of the deceased spouse's benefit, but the two benefits are not added together. Test both cases: what the household has if either partner dies first.

What a split-the-difference compromise misses: the right answer for timing and the right answer for the survivor can point different ways. Price both before you trade.